Cat Versus Dog: Which One Makes the Best Pet?

By Julia Williams

Pet owners often engage in friendly – and sometimes not-so-friendly – discussions on whether cats make better pets than dogs, or vice versa. While there are quite a few pet owners who love both cats and dogs equally, others are adamant in their stance that one species is better than the other. Where we stand in the great ‘cat versus dog debate’ is often a result of which pet we had growing up, or a particular experience we had with one, either positive or negative. Sometimes a preference emerges for no apparent reason; it just is, and it’s how we’ve always felt.

Over the years I’ve been a pet mom to a dozen cats. I like dogs too but have only shared my home with one, so my experience with them is more limited. However, just because my BFF’s have always been cats doesn’t automatically mean I think cats make better pets than dogs. The relationships are different, not necessarily better. Nonetheless, for the sake of the debate I’ve come up with a few reasons why one might want a cat instead of a dog. Don’t think I’m bashing dogs though, because I’m really not. Rather, this is just my attempt at humor.

The Cleanliness Factor

Dogs need to be bathed regularly and even then, many breeds have a distinct ‘eau de dog’ shortly after getting squeaky clean. Cats win this category paws down because they are remarkably self cleaning. My cats wash themselves after every FELIDAE feeding frenzy, in between mealtimes, and pretty much every waking hour. Bathing a cat is rarely necessary, which is a good thing because it’s not exactly easy to do without getting shredded.

Physical Activity

All dogs need regular exercise. Some breeds can get by with a short daily walk or play session in the backyard, but others need more physical activity than this, which can be challenging if you’re more ‘couch potato’ than marathon runner. Cats need regular exercise too, but you don’t need to brave the chill of winter to help them burn off their kibble calories. A drawer-full of cheap cat toys is all you need!

Economics

Big dogs eat mountains of food, and even some small dog breeds put away more kibble than most cats do. Dogs need bigger pet beds than kitties do, and most felines prefer a cardboard box over a cushy pet bed anyway, so you might as well not buy one. There are typically more supplies to buy for dogs too, such as crates, leashes, harnesses, rain booties, and sweaters for those short-haired or hairless breeds. Cats don’t need to wear sweaters and most will claw you into itty bitty pieces if you’re foolish enough to even think about putting one on them. Same for the harness and leash…just don’t go there!

Training

There’s a big difference in the time and effort required to train dogs versus cats.  For cats, training generally consists of showing them where their litter box is kept, and keeping a spray bottle of water handy to discourage counter surfing. Dogs need rules and guidance to become canine good citizens who will follow your basic commands at home, at the dog park and on walks.

Barking Versus Meowing

A bored dog left alone all day tends to engage in excessive barking, which can really get annoying when you live next door. It’s certainly not the dog’s fault, but that doesn’t make the barking any less irritating. Conversely, have you ever heard someone complain because the neighbor’s cat meowed all day while they were away? Nope, me neither! If you’re gone a lot, a cat is definitely the better pet because they sleep all day anyway.

The Palate

It’s no secret that dogs view the things they find in garbage cans, the cat’s litter box and their backyard as tasty tidbits. Yep, dogs eat rotten food and poop, and they like to roll in the stinky stuff too. When have you ever seen a cat do that? Enough said.

I’m sure I could come up with just as many reasons why dogs make better pets than cats… but I won’t because that would mean I’d have to relinquish my lifetime membership in the Crazy Cat Lady club, and the tacky cat plaque that came with it. And you know, I’ve actually grown quite fond of that ugly thing. 

Photo by Dixie Wells

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How Pets See the World

By Julia Williams

I can’t tell you how often I’ve looked at one of my cats lounging around without a care in the world and thought longingly, “Oh Cat, if only I could trade places with you. How awesome that would be!” Our pets are so blissfully unaware of all the struggles we face just being human, not to mention making sure we are responsible pet owners. Pets don’t know a lick about mortgages, utility bills or credit card debt. They don’t ever have to shop for groceries, do the laundry, clean the house or cook a meal. For the lucky ones with doting owners, their whole life is about joy, love and contentment. They only really worry about two things: “Where should I take my next nap?” and “Is it time for me to eat yet?”

I admit, I’m quite jealous of my cats. I want to be the one who gets to sleep all day and have food magically appear in a bowl (although I don’t really want that bowl to be on the floor, thank you very much!). Life is infinitely simpler for our pets, and it just doesn’t seem fair. Why should my kitties get the cushy life while I slave over a hot computer, slinging words together just so I can buy them the meowvelous FELIDAE cat food they love? That settles it – in my next life, I want to be a feline!

So, while contemplating what it would be like to be a cat, I started to think about how our pets see the world around them. I tried to imagine what they might think or feel when they see us doing things that are commonplace to us, but oh-so-alien to them. I began to wonder…Is the life of a cat or dog as carefree as I imagine it to be? In actuality, there are some things that scare the bejeebies out of my cats. Such as:

1.  The vacuum, aka the “Suck Monster.” I don’t even have to turn this noisy thing on to give my cats a fright. The second they hear me getting it out, they run for their safe spot under the bed. Their little cat brains can’t comprehend the Suck Monster’s purpose, and I wonder if they think I turn it on just to terrorize them? Gosh, I hope not!

2. The lawnmower must be the Suck Monster’s evil cousin, because the mere sight of it also sends my fearful felines runnin’ for dear life. They’re probably thinking “Look out! That thing takes perfectly good, edible grass and shreds it into tiny pieces!” 

3. Thunder and fireworks are loud to human ears – just imagine how deafening they must be to our pets since their hearing is so much more acute. Add in that these noises come seemingly from nowhere, and pets must be thinking something akin to Chicken Little’s famous line, “The sky is falling!”

4. Loud noises from the TV or computer send my kitties scurrying for cover. Hearing bombs exploding or the rat-a-tat-tat of gunfire must also make them think the world is coming to an end; I’m pretty sure they’re hoping it doesn’t happen before dinnertime, though.

5. Car rides turn my cats into howling creatures capable of waking the dead. They must be thinking, “Oh no, this thing is moving! Where is she taking me? Please don’t let it be to that lady who pokes me there!”

5. The camera, aka the “flashy beast,” doesn’t really scare pets as much as annoy them. They can’t fathom its purpose, but I think they do understand it results in a tangible thing that makes otherwise sane people go all goo-goo-ga-ga when they do something cute, like curl up for a nap in the turkey roasting pan.

Let’s face it. Life seen through the eyes of our pets is not even remotely like what we see through ours. I’m just not sure who has the better deal. I mean, I know the vacuum isn’t going to suddenly suck me up and that the sky isn’t falling. Then again, relaxing 24/7 and having food appear twice a day without lifting a paw isn’t too shabby!

Photo by Domenico Salvagnin

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How to Tell if You Are a “Crazy Cat Person”

By Julia Williams

When I was thinking about writing this article, I initially decided it would be about ways to tell if you are a Crazy Cat Lady. But then I realized that even though a lot of men won’t admit they love cats, I have seen plenty of evidence that they do. Take for example, my new favorite show Must Love Cats. Every episode has at least one story, and usually more, illustrating manly devotion to felines. Many of these guys are so over the top in their cat worship they’d certainly qualify as Crazy Cat Men. So I opted to make this a unisex quiz because hey, we should all know if our cat adoration is out of control, right? Not that we need to defend ourselves or do anything about it – as if that would ever happen! Now answer truthfully, and tally up your “yes” answers to get your score.

1. Do you find it hard to resist buying a new cat toy every time you go shopping for household stuff?
2. When strangers come into your home, are there obvious signs that you have a cat, such as furry mice and other cat toys on the floor, a scratching post, cat tree or pet bed in the middle of the living room?
3. When you’re sitting down and a cat is sleeping peacefully on your lap, do you forego getting up because you don’t want to wake them, even though you really, really need to get up?
4. Do you have any clothing with cats on it, and more importantly, do you actually dare to wear it in public?
5. Do you display cat photos, art or calendars on your walls?
6. Are there cat knickknacks on your shelves, desk or mantle, or cat magazines on your coffee table?
7. Do you go outside to open a can of soup, so your cat won’t hear the sound and come running in demanding to be fed? (Bonus points if you do this because you hate to wake them up for no good reason).
8. Do you have a cat tattoo?
9. Do you hesitate to take a vacation because you can’t bear the thought of being away from your cat for that long?
10. Do you let your cat sleep under the covers of your bed, even though you know there will be tiny pebbles of kitty litter on your sheets in the morning? (I really hope it’s not just me).
11. Do you like to watch your cat eat, wash themselves, or sleep all contorted in a tiny box because you find it “cute?”
12. Do you take kitty out for walks in a cat stroller, or walk them on a leash?
13. Do you let your cat sleep pretty much anywhere it wants to?
14. Do you leave parties and family gatherings early because it’s time for your cat to get their noms?
15. Do you call out, “Mommy’s home!” or “Daddy’s here!” when you walk in the door?
16. If your cat jumps up on the kitchen table or the counter, do you scream in horror or simply shrug?
17. Do you telephone your cat when you’re away from home, and talk to them via the answering machine?
18. Do people tell you that your cat is spoiled?
19. If your wife or husband said, “It’s me or the cat,” would you immediately pick up the phone to call a divorce lawyer?
20. Does your cat think you worship the ground it walks on? Do you?

SCORING

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, it’s official. You love cats, and you’re not afraid to admit it. As for me, I’m never going to tell anyone how many yes answers I had. That information is better left unsaid. I do have a reputation as the Crazy Cat Lady to uphold, after all.

Photo by John Talbot

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Funny Pet Memories Bring Smiles

By Tamara L. Waters

When it comes to our pets, they make us smile, they melt our hearts and yes, they make us laugh. Admit it, funny pet videos featuring the crazy antics of our favorite critters are some of the best and most entertaining. We love LOL'ing at our silly pets, and they always seem to provide us with plenty of material. Check out a few of these funny pet memories, then think about your own. You're sure to find a giggle or two somewhere.

For myself, I have a few funny memories of favorite pets that I enjoy sharing with friends. One is of my beloved dog Skynyrd, a Yellow Lab and Golden Retriever mix that had the personality of sunshine. She was given to me as a Christmas present by my then-husband when she was about eight weeks old, and she was the best dog ever.

Skynyrd developed a funny quirk almost immediately after coming to live with us: she liked to sleep underneath the couch, the chair and the bed. She liked crawling underneath the furniture and there were many times when she was a puppy that we would miss her, only to find her snoozing under the couch or bed.

Unfortunately, Skynyrd was also a big scaredy-cat. She was afraid of loud noises and especially storms. She would often hide under the bed when it stormed or when I ran the vacuum. This was all fine until Skynyrd grew into her full size – a 65-pound dog. By then she had stopped hiding under the furniture, because she preferred to be ON the furniture instead.

She forgot this fact once when a storm came up and suddenly reverted to her puppyhood. She dove under the bed, but there was only one problem – she was really too big to fit under the bed! Somehow she made it underneath, but she was stuck and wasn't going to make it back out without help. Some people don't believe dogs can show expression but on that day, Skynyrd certainly did. Her face spoke what her mouth could not: "Ummm. . .uh oh. . ."

Another funny pet memory of mine involves a kitty that I rescued from the ditch in front of my house, where someone had apparently dumped him. This little black and white sweetie was dubbed Boo and became the ruler of our home. Boo quickly developed a favorite habit: he loved to sit on my lap while I would work on the computer. This turned into another habit: a desire to sit on my keyboard.

This became funny when Boo would manage to sit on the keyboard and somehow send messages to people on my Yahoo! Instant Messenger contact list. I had several friends who received messages that read something like "dfjdkfjdfkjdfldjfldjfdlkj" or some such kitty nonsense. It became such a regular occurrence and joke with my friends that many times I would see that Boo had been chatting and I would simply send a message that said "cat." My friends understood. In the same manner, Boo once even posted a status on Facebook for me. It said "lklklklklklklk/.././." and my friends thought it was brilliant.

Fellow writer and friend Theresa Leschmann related a couple of funny stories about her pets. One year around Halloween, her puppy – a white Great Pyrenees – became a little too curious about the Halloween decorations. Theresa had set out plastic pumpkins (actual candy buckets) around the outside of her home for decoration. She recalled that she looked outside to see her puppy wandering around the yard with one of the orange Jack-o-Lanterns stuck on his head!

Another funny memory from Theresa involves her cat. She noticed that her cat had caught a mouse and was playing with it out in the yard. Kitty paused during the play and the mouse took the opportunity to fight back. It lunged at the cat, chomping down on the cat's lip. Theresa watched the cat swinging its head back and forth in an attempt to dislodge the biting mouse. It managed to send the mouse flying a few feet away where it landed, only to be nabbed by a hungry chicken. Such is life on a farm!

Fellow friend, writer and cat lover Kate Kirkman recalled the time she and her hubby had to do some deductive reasoning to figure out what had happened in their kitchen. They came home to find an upper kitchen cabinet had the bottom broken out of it and their kitties were remaining mum on what had happened.

Upon closer examination, they discovered feline footprints on the countertop, then up on top of the cabinets, across the top of the cabinets, then discovered the top of the cabinet broken in. It appeared as though kitty had taken a stroll, then whoops!

Oh those crazy pets! They keep us laughing and certainly make life worth living, don't they? Do you have a favorite funny pet memory to share?

Photo by Vegan Flower

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Kitty Wigs, Puppy Tweets and Other Funny Pet Products

By Julia Williams

It’s impossible to know just how many pet lovers there are in the world. The Pet Food Institute estimates there are around 75 million pet dogs and 85 million pet cats in the U.S. alone. Our penchant for pets did not go unnoticed by inventors either, as evidenced by the staggering number of pet-related products available today. Many of them are useful and necessary, while others are just plain dumb. Here are a few of my favorite funny pet products.

Kitty Wigs are colorful hairpieces created for fashionable cats. Technically, one might argue these are really wigs for cat owners, especially those who don’t mind their bodies being used as scratching posts. Or as one cat said on a pet blog I read, “If the Human ever put one of those wigs on me, she'd need a transfusion.” Kitty Wigs cost $60 and come in four colors. Founder Julie Jackson says “the wigs are NOT toys but a way to spend some fun time with your cat….especially fun for photo sessions.” Don’t laugh – with more than 5,ooo fans on Facebook and a selling-like-hotcakes book (Glamourpuss: The Enchanting World of Kitty Wigs) it seems there are legions of people who love Kitty Wigs. My take: they’re cute, but I like my limbs scratch-free, thank you very much. 

Fur Ever Keepsakes are made from your pet’s hair! You brush your pet, send in your fur and receive the handspun yarn back, or you can have it custom-made into a scarf, mittens, hat, photo frame, pillow, stuffed bear, bookmark and more. VIP Fibers claims to have spun over 1,858 pounds of pet fiber to date, producing nearly 2 million yards of keepsake yarn. My take: gives new meaning to pet owners who want Fluffy and Fido to be with them “furever.” 

Puppy Tweets: just about every dog who’s “anybody” has a Twitter account nowadays. But since typing without opposable thumbs is problematic, Fido usually needs an assistant to help him tweet. Not anymore! Mattel’s “Puppy Tweets” is a tiny electronic device that attaches to your dog’s collar. Once you connect the included USB receiver to your computer and download the software, Puppy Tweets translates your pooches barks and movements into humorous tweets. With more than 500 different phrases, your dog will always be the wittiest four-legger on Twitter. He’ll regale his followers with gems like “L'il help! Nose stuck in bird feeder!” “I've got a new leash on life!” and “I finally caught that tail I've been chasing, and ...OOUUUCHH!” Just don’t come crying to me when you realize that your dog has more followers than you do.

Cat’s Tongue Chocolates are made in Vienna by Demel, but can be ordered and shipped from their New York store. I’d not seen these until recently, but apparently they’ve been around for a really long time. My take: Who thinks up crazy things like chocolates in the shape of a cat’s tongue? I don’t know if I could eat them, but I want these for the super cute vintage box alone!

Pet Perfume: if your dog stinks but there’s no time for a bath, just dab on some Sexy Beast Signature Canine Fragrance and you’re good to go. One online pet boutique sells an extensive collection of doggie cologne priced from $10 to $3,000 (yikes!). My take: I seriously doubt any pet perfume could cover up the lovely smell of Eau de Dog. Just Say No! Seriously, if you really have an aversion to soap and water, let the groomer give your dog a bath.

Kitty Wigs photo by Jill Johnson

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5 Items You Don't Need When You Have a Pet

By Tamara L. Waters

A pet can enrich our lives in so many ways, but there’s one way we probably never counted on –saving money. That's right! There are some normal household items you just don't need when you have a pet, so imagine the money you can save!

Back Massager: Kitties make perfect back massagers, provided you keep their claws trimmed. Instructions: Make sure kitty is in good mood. Place kitty on your back. Hope kitty decides to knead your back. If kitty complies, sigh loudly. Appreciate kitty.

Now, if your kitty isn't a kneader (seriously, what cat isn't?), perhaps you could demonstrate to them what type of a massage you need. After all, cats are known for their spectacular ability to follow directions. Or not.


Alarm Clock: This is my cat Garfield's favorite job around my house. I seriously don't need an alarm clock because he wakes me up. Oh, he doesn't just gently rouse me from my sleep, he stands on my chest batting at my face or rubbing my face with his own furry orange mug.

If I don't get up or I attempt to roll over and go back to sleep, he starts purring loudly while being more persistent in his personal "rise and shine" greetings. I only get to sleep in when Garfield allows it and thankfully, he knows that Saturday is my personal sleep in day.

Vacuum Cleaner: I only have cats in the house and they're not as inclined to clean for me, but my parents have a Jack Russell and he keeps their floors spotless! If food hits the floor, you can bet Odie makes sure that floor is sparkling clean in no time. He also does a fair job of sweeping the floor as he runs and plays with his stuffed toys. Low center of gravity makes little dogs perfect floor cleaners, and they can vacuum up any crumbs. The next time you spill some of your CANIDAE dog food on your floors, don't bother with the vacuum – let the pooch do his job!

Alarm System: Who needs an actual alarm system when you've got a dog? Canines are awesome early warning systems. My outside dogs let me knows the second a car hits the end of my driveway. I don't have to worry about anyone sneaking around my yard because I'll know. . .oh yes, I'll know.

My dogs have distinctive alarm system barks. One type of bark means "There are cats!" while another means "Some other small furry animal!" and another means "There's another darn dog in my yard! Get outttttt!" These alarm system barks are very similar and sometimes difficult to determine which is which. Fortunately though, they have very distinctive barks when there are people in the yard or driveway. These barks mean "Person we don't know! Red alert! Red alert! All hands on deck!"

Thankfully, they have not needed to escalate to the serious person alarm bark that means "Person up to no good! Everybody freak out!"

Dishwasher: Yeah, admit it – you've wondered if it would work. Can your pooch do the work of a dishwasher? Sure! Not only can your canine clean your floors, but he can do the dishes. Dirty plates are no match for the tongue action of your dog. Just umm, don't expect him to use dish soap, and don't tell your guests. Seriously. Don't tell anybody.

Photo by Jonathan Crowe

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A Cautionary Tale for Mischievous Kitties

By Rocky Williams

Rocky here, and today I want to share a cautionary tale for all of my feline friends. I shall call it, “Curiosity didn't kill this cat, but meeeeoooow, my mouth is on FIRE!”

I am what you would call a “nosy” cat. I have to check everything out, and my rule of paw is, “everything in the house belongs to me!”

It's a simple rule, really…if I find it, it's mine and I can do whatever I want with it.  That probably explains why the Warden rarely leaves anything out on the kitchen counter, because I confiscate it immediately if it looks like something I might want to eat or play with.

Bag of chips? Mine, all mine! Crackers? Mine. Package of pasta? Mine (but only until I rip open the bag to find out this stuff tastes awful!). Pens and pencils? Mine. Roll of paper towels? Mine – and oh, what a fun toy this is! I bite and claw the roll until all of the paper is shredded and little pieces are everywhere! The only thing better than a roll of paper towels is a new roll of toilet paper placed on the holder for me to unravel square by square.

For sure, I do have a great time with all of the things I find here. But today I saw something on the counter I'd not seen before, so of course I jumped up to claim my prize. It was long and skinny, shiny and bright red. Was it food? It didn't have much smell to it, so I decided it would be a cat toy instead.

I pushed it to the floor and proceeded to bat it around. Woo-hoo, this was fun! It was very light and I flipped it high up into the air. I caught it with my paws and my teeth.

I was having the time of my life…until my teeth tore a chunk of this long, skinny bright red thing off. The piece was in my mouth, and my mouth was on fire!

Ack! Gag! Cough! My eyes watered and I staggered to my water bowl, lapping furiously to try to put out the flame inside my mouth.

Finally, the fire was out. The warden came into the room, took one look at the red shiny thing with a chunk missing, and laughed.

“Hahaha! Rocky, that's not a toy, you silly cat. It’s a cayenne pepper.”

NOW she tells me!

Flickr photo by sfroehlich1121

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How to Make Your Human Do What You Want

By Rocky Williams

I am ecstaticat that my “Warden” is letting me write another guest post here. Well, actually I demanded it, and since I have her wrapped around my little paw, she had to say yes. So today I want to offer a sort of “public service” post for the cats of the world. First things first – all human beans need to click away now – this information is not for you! Don’t make me hunt you down and claw you up, because I will.

Okay…onward. As a cat, I’ve learned many things about how to get my way. Once you understand a few simple rules, your Warden will be putty in your paws, and you’ll be able to do anything you want to.

Rule #1: Be Persistent

When my Warden is lying on her back in bed, her plump tummy makes a very comfy pillow. I climb onto it. “Ooof, Rocky! You’re too heavy,” she says, pushing me off (yes, I am a BIG boy!). Undeterred, I climb back on. She pushes me off, again and again. But here’s the thing: a determined cat will always be able to outlast a human bean. Guaranteed! All you have to do is be persistent, and eventually they will give up. I use this technique for when I want to counter surf too. The Warden knows it’s fruitless to make me get down, because I’ll just get right back up there.


Rule #2: Be Annoying

I use this technique when I think it’s time for my noms but the Warden is still in bed. I do things like rustle plastic bags, scratch at the door, paw the dresser drawer open, claw the carpet, and bite the fleshy part of her arm – basically, anything that will irritate her enough so she has to get up to make me stop. It works like a charm!

I also use this technique when it’s my dinner time but the Warden won’t stop typing. I jump up on her desk and rub my furry self all over her monitor. I walk on her keyboard making sure to hit the delete key at least once. I meow loudly in her ear, chew on her papers and just generally make a nuisance of myself any way I can. It doesn’t take long before she realizes that whatever she’s writing will have to wait until after I get my noms.

Rule #3: Be Noisy

My cellmate Mickey and I work together on this technique that we use to get the Warden out of bed, or when we want her to pay attention to us. We engage in mock battles, making loud war cries that sound like we’re in a fight to the death. It’s all fake, but we sound so convincing that she rushes in to save us from each other. Haha!

The noisy technique works wonders for mealtimes too. Mickey, Annabelle and I all begin meowing incessantly in the kitchen whenever the Warden is in there. We meow so loudly and plaintively that it makes her race to give us our yummy FELIDAE cat food just to shut us up.

Rule #4: There’s Power in Numbers

As I said above, my cellmates and I often team up to get the Warden to do what we want. So if you live in a multi-cat household, it’s infinitely easier to get your human to do what you want! No matter which technique you employ, you’ll get your way much faster if you join forces with the other feline inmates.

I hope you find these four tips helpful for training your human. And remember – it’s your house; you just allow them to live in it with you, because they feed you!

P.S. That's me in the photo, when I was inky dinky.

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What Pets Do to Amuse Themselves

By Linda Cole

Pets are quite creative in finding ways to entertain themselves when they're home alone, and it's not always something destructive. I had a cat who loved to unroll toilet paper, but it had to be a new roll before she would touch it. She didn't just unroll it, she would take the loose end and wind it around chairs and table legs and she somehow always managed to unroll the entire roll without tearing it. I'd come home from work to find my dining room had been TP'd by my cat.

Pets do crazy things sometimes whether they're home alone or not. I've had cats over the years that would while away the hours sitting in a window watching what the neighbors were up to. In fact, I would go so far as to say they were spying on the neighbors. I suppose to them that's just as productive as when we sit in front of the TV staring at it for hours at a time. However, one cat took more of an interest than the others. She would cock her head back and forth as if she couldn't believe what was going on outside her window. Anytime she heard a car door shut, voices outside or the mailbox lid flop down, she would race to her window to investigate. New Year's Eve parties were really hard on her.

I've learned to never underestimate the imagination of a pet. I had a brother and sister pair of Collie/Shepherd/Setter/Great Dane dogs that made up a game they played in their pen. Pets do think; I have no doubt about that. I have a small hill on each side of the pen. The dogs would run around the pen picking up speed as they ran. They would look at each other as they ran toward one side or the other where the hills are located and jump the fence at the same time as if their looks had been a signal. Then they would turn around and jump back into the pen, run in the opposite direction and jump over the fence on the other side, turn around and jump back in.

I had a cat that was so fascinated with the timer on the stove, one day while he was home alone he figured out how to turn it on. I came home to a singing stove with no idea why the timer was buzzing. A few nights later, the mystery was solved. All of a sudden, the timer began to buzz in the wee hours of the morning. I thought at first it was my alarm clock, but it was only 3 A.M. Following the buzzing, I found my cat sitting in the middle of the stove watching the timer.

Once he learned how to turn the timer on, that became his entertainment of choice. That is, until I started removing the knob when I left the house or before going to bed. My cat spent months sitting on the stove trying to figure out how to turn the timer minus the knob. I would catch him biting it and trying to turn it using his front paws. It's a good thing cats don't have thumbs because if he had succeeded, the stove would have had to go.

The same cat also loved playing in water. He discovered that the one-handled kitchen faucet was easy to push up and could give him endless hours of water fun. So, shortly thereafter, I replaced the faucet with one he couldn't turn on. He then turned his attention to the wind chimes that dangled from the living room ceiling. They were a gift from a friend and I didn't want to hang them outside. They hung low enough that if my cat stretched far enough from the top of the couch, he could reach the bottom just enough to make them chime – day and night. I took them down after one too many of his late night serenades.

I've learned over the years that pets do find ways to entertain themselves whether they're home alone or not. Sometimes it's destructive, but often what they dream up is quite funny when you realize their amazing ability to find ways to amuse themselves. For more on this topic, be sure to check out Julia’s humorous article, The Funny Things Cats Do. Julia also investigated whether DVDs made just for pets might provide some amusement when they’re left home alone. Find out by reading Do DVDs for Cats Really Keep Them Entertained?

My pets have entertained me for years, and I’ll bet yours have too. Now it’s your turn! I'd love to hear your stories on what your pets do for fun when they're home alone.

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Humor: Why You Shouldn't Choose a Lame Dog Name

By Tamara L. Waters

Growing up, I had lots of dogs as pets, but it wasn't until I was 18 years old that I picked out my very first puppy of my own. He was a mixed-breed puppy, blond with a stripe of white on his forehead (see photo at left). I'll admit he was spoiled, and I named him Twinkie.

Yes, Twinkie. That’s right; I named the poor little guy after those delicious cream-filled sponge cake treats. Why did I name him Twinkie? My brother made the comment that he looked like a Twinkie due to his blond fur and the white stripe. My immature teenage mind thought “Awwww, Twinkie! That's such a cutesy wutesy wittle name for the puppy wuppy! *squeal*”

Looking back, I can see that my choice of name for this little guy doomed him to being the butt of every doggy joke, and friends and family alike viewed him as a frou-frou dog, even though he wasn't – all because of his name. He developed a little dog attitude that said to the world “Pamper me. I am the sweet Twinkie baby!”

Yeah, Twinkie wasn't exactly a good choice. My experiences with Twinkie are the perfect example of why a good name – and not a lame name – is important for a dog's self-esteem and behavior. After all, what self-respecting dog wants to be called Poopsy or Boopy?

The truth is, the name can make the dog. What would you think if one of those brave K-9 police dogs was named Puppy Wuppy, Cupcake or Twinkie? Mind you, these are all great names for cats, who couldn't care less about their name (well , except Puppy Wuppy; any cat worth his salt won't appreciate that, but they might let you live).

We choose names for our dogs based upon emotions, a sense of their personality and how we would like them to be perceived. If you have a guard dog, Fluffy may not be the best choice (unless you have a bizarre sense of humor and enjoy a good oxymoron or juxtaposition).

Why is it important for your dog's sense of self-worth to have a name that doesn't rate high on the lameness scale? Sure, all the experts insist that dogs only recognize repetition of sounds, words and phrases and don't actually understand. What if they did understand what you were saying though? Imagine the doggy conversation that would go on!

“Hey, get a load of Puffy there! Look, it's Puffy Snuffy Wuffy in his cute wittle collar!” Yeah, being bullied is never pretty and in the pack world of your dog, being called Snooki can be equal to a 12 year old wearing the Sesame Street sweater his grandmother made to gym class. You get the picture.

If you love your dog, be a responsible pet owner. When you choose a name for your dog, start by making a list of the lamest names you can think of. You know, the names that make you roll your eyes and snicker. Write them all down. Ask friends and family to help you come up with the lamest dog names they can think of. Add them to your lame list.

Then for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT choose a name from this list! Don't even choose a name that's not on the list but sounds like a name on the list. Steer clear. Avoid any association with these lame names like you avoid an angry skunk because just like skunk spray, a lame dog name sticks with you and causes you to make an ugly face. You know the face – where you scrunch up your whole face and it's obvious that something really stinks? Just don't do it!

Instead, choose a great name for your dog that will stand the test of time. Your dog will thank you. I am spreading the word in memory of my Twinkie, who deserved a name like Puddles, or Itty Bitty…or maybe Pooter.

Photo: Twinkie

Read more articles by Tamara L. Waters

Life, As Seen Through the Eyes of a Cat

By Rocky Williams

Editor’s note: We will be featuring guest bloggers here from time to time, and since my cat Rocky used to blog regularly on another site, he volunteered to be the first. Take it away, Rocky!

Well hello there. I have been observing this thing called “life” for seven years now, and consider myself something of an expert. I probably shouldn’t be divulging my vast knowledge of the feline mind, but I have nothing better to do at the moment since I’m under House Arrest. I’d much rather be out on gopher patrol, but the Warden (a.k.a. the human who feeds me) has forbidden it.

As a cat, I naturally see things much differently than the Warden and pretty much all humans. My “rule of paw” is that cats are superior to all creatures, and this has served me well. Cats have no masters – we have “staff.” The Warden likes to pretend that she’s the one in charge, but we all know better. She is the maid, kibble dispenser and bowl washer, plain and simple. She exists to do my bidding. When I want to be petted, I am. When I want my treats, I get them…or else! Ha ha. There is no noise quite like a cat being denied his noms.

The feline handbook gives us detailed instructions on how to annoy our humans. It tells us how to wake them up when we want breakfast: walk back and forth over their body, swish our tail in their face and meow with a “I’m dying of starvation here!” intensity that could wake the dead.

The handbook also explains how to perfect the art of getting underfoot so as to trip up our human, just for fun. It instructs us on the intricacies of kitchen counter surfing and how to foil our human’s feeble plans to keep us off of them. Moreover, we know that whatever we find up there is ours, to either eat, play with, or both. I do wish the handbook had told me that cayenne peppers were not good for either, but I suppose there are some things we kitties must learn the hard way.

The cat handbook mandates that everything in the house belongs to us. Yes, everything! Pens, pencils, nail files, hairbrushes and the like make wonderful cat toys. The Warden’s important papers are such fun to chew up, especially right in front of her when I can see her frantic face. We kitties are also quite fond of pushing anything we find on the coffee table or desk onto the floor. That is one great game we never tire of.

People always wonder why cats love to sleep in the sink. They think we should hate it since that’s where water comes from, and everyone knows how we feel about that stuff. Well you see, the sink provides a perfectly-cat-sized place to nap! Moreover, we adore giving unsuspecting humans a fright when they happen upon us curled up in the sink – or in my case, in the Warden’s turkey roasting pan (for the record, the sight of me sleeping in there made her laugh so hard she cried). 

If a human has the time and patience to teach us a trick (not an impossible feat by the way) we will on occasion – or rather, when we feel like it – perform that trick. But here’s the thing: we don’t do it to please you, we do it for the food. No noms = no cat trick. Simply put, if you want a pet that will dutifully obey your every command, get a dog.

Great Quotes Inspired by Cats and Dogs

By Julia Williams

Our pets have inspired many witty sayings over the years. Considering the extraordinary bond many of us forge with our four-legged friends, it should come as no surprise. Pets make us laugh and they make us cry; at times they even make us shake our heads and wonder “why.” Pets are, above all else, a source of great inspiration to me and to so many others. I could fill a book with all of my favorite quotes about cats and dogs. Here are just a few of them. 

Great Cat Quotes

“A kitten is the delight of a household. All day long a comedy is played by this incomparable actor.” - French novelist Champfleury

“It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens.” - Cynthia E. Varnado

“The cat is above all things, a dramatist.” - Margaret Benson

“No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.” - Leo Dworken
“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days.” - Bill Dana

“Some people own cats and go on to lead normal lives.” - Unknown

“If there were to be a universal sound depicting peace, I would surely vote for the purr.” - Barbara L. Diamond

“Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.” - Anonymous “I gave an order to a cat, and the cat gave it to its tail.” - Chinese Proverb

“In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats.” - English proverb

 “Most cats, when they are Out want to be In, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.” - Louis F. Camuti, DVM

“I put down my book, The Meaning of Zen, and see the cat smiling into her fur as she delicately combs it with her rough pink tongue. Cat, I would lend you this book to study but it appears you have already read it. She looks up and gives me her full gaze. Don't be ridiculous, she purrs, I wrote it.” - from Miao by Dilys Laing

 “There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” - Unknown

“As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat.” - Ellen Perry Berkeley

“Time spent with cats is never wasted. - This quote, by French novelist Colette, is my all-time favorite.

Great Dog Quotes

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.” - Anonymous

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” - Andy Rooney

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” - Ben Williams

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” - Roger Caras

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” - Josh Billings

“If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.” - Unknown

“You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, My God, you're right! I NEVER would've thought of that!”- Dave Barry

“Old dogs, like old shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well.” - from the 1991 book, Old Dogs, Old Friends: Enjoying Your Older Dog, by Bonnie Wilcox

“I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better.” – from the book Troubles with Bird Dogs by George Bird Evans.

“Even the tiniest Poodle or Chihuahua is still a wolf at heart.” - Dorothy Hinshaw Patent in Dogs: The Wolf Within (Understanding Animals)

“To err is human, to forgive, canine.” - Unknown

“He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.” – Unknown

“I used to look at [my dog] Smokey and think, If you were a little smarter you could tell me what you were thinking, and he'd look at me like he was saying, If you were a little smarter, I wouldn't have to.”- Fred Jungclaus

 “If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.” - cowboy wisdom

So there you have it, my personal list of favorite quotes inspired by cats and dogs. If you have some great quotes of your own that I’ve not mentioned, please do share them with us!

Read more articles by Julia Williams

Humor: Eight Reasons Your Dog Adores You

By Tamara L. Waters

Your dog loves you. Better yet, he absolutely adores you. There are many reasons why he thinks you are the best, but here are eight to start with.

Your Affection

Your dog loves affection from you. Whether it's a quick scratch between the ears or a leg-thumping back or belly scratch, your dog loves you for the physical affection you give him. Keep your dog happy by bestowing plenty of affection and attention on him, and he will reward you with his adorable antics and a slimy tongue in your ear.

Those Delicious Trash Cans

You dog adores you because of the wonderfully aromatic and delicious things you keep stashed in the garbage can or trash bag, just for him! He loves that you save wonderful “treats” and make him work for them, because as we all know, the anticipation and effort to get to those trash-can treats make them even tastier.


Your Bed

Sure, you might think your dog doesn't jump up on your bed, but the truth is, when you're not looking he's making himself at home. He loves you because you tolerate his bed hopping and when he sleeps with you at night, he loves that you don't mind sleeping on a tiny sliver of the bed while he sprawls out and gets comfortable.

You Clean Up After Him

What a great thing it is to have someone who will clean up every mess you make! Most dogs are lousy housekeepers and don't do well with cleaning up after themselves. They leave their business in a pile in the yard, then simply walk away from it. What do you do? You clean it up. What's not to love?

Your Kitchen Floor

The kitchen floor is a source of great treasure and your dog loves it. Not only does he love your kitchen floor but he loves you for not cleaning it immediately. Your dog will sniff around and find all the tidbits you drop and consider them a wonderful treat. This is a give-and-take part of your relationship. You can rest assured your dog will help you clean your kitchen floor (despite the fact that he is a terrible housekeeper) as long as you continue to drop bits of food now and then. It's a win-win situation.

You Don't Mind His Snoring

Sure, you probably complain about the log sawing your spouse does, but how about your dog? Dog snoring is much more endearing than human snoring. In truth, your dog doesn't care about his own snoring, or your snoring either for that matter. He loves you for tolerating his little habits.

You Put Up with His Gas

It might be a small thing, but your dog adores you for putting up with his smelly farts. Not only do you put up with the noxious odors that come from your pooch, you actually laugh about it. “Oh man! Bowser, now why did you do that? Hahaha – oh that's awful!” If your child or spouse passed gas that peeled the skin off of your face, you wouldn't be laughing. When your dog does it, you smile, pat his head and hold your breath while telling him how special he is. He really does love you for it.

You Take Care of Him

It's a dog's life… and it's really great. Your dog doesn't have to do anything, except eat, sleep, poop, play and hang out. You even give him CANIDAE Snap Biscuit® dog treats and affection. He doesn't have to clean his room, clean up after himself, take out the trash, get a job, do homework, do laundry or anything else except just be a dog. Yep, he loves you for it!

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Book Review: Careers for Your Cat

By Ruthie Bently

Do you think your feline friend needs to get a job and pull their own weight for their cat food, toys, treats and kitty litter? Well, author Ann Dziemianowicz has the solution for you! This self-proclaimed feline career counselor who assists cats in landing their dream jobs, has written Careers For Your Cat. The premise of this light-hearted look at feline careers is to enable owners to “sit back, relax, and take a well-earned cat nap.”

In the early 1990s as her bank account took a down turn, the author decided to acquaint her beloved feline companions with the hard reality of want ads, resumes and interviews. She felt her fifteen-plus years of experience as a career counselor and career coach gave her an insight into what her own feline family needed to be looking at.

After developing her unique methods, she has applied this expertise to thousands of now satisfied feline 9 to 5ers, which get up every morning to face the day and the “rat race” we all know in some form or another. She interviews owners and their felines, and after specific testing is able to point the previously wayward house cats to a life of fulfillment in their given professions.

She developed the “Meowers-Briggs Career/Personality Test” that is comprised of two parts. The test should be given after a meal in an area free of distractions to give your cat the opportunity to answer the questions to the best of their ability. It is suggested that the cat pick the answer most like themselves, but it is permissible to give as many as two answers to each question.

Part one has sixteen questions that ask a cat questions like: What is your favorite activity? Where do you prefer to sleep? What do you enjoy playing with? It finds out about a cat’s dining preferences, what they do when they see a mouse and what happens when they are greeted by a dog. These questions are designed to find out a cat’s career type. You can find out if your cat has traits that are creative, labor-intensive, intellectual or an inert introvert.

Part two of the “Meowers-Briggs Career/Personality Test” determines a cat’s personality type and is comprised of two sub-parts. By answering true or false to the options listed you are able to determine your cat’s personality. Depending on your cat’s answers to this part you are able to determine if your cat is an introvert or extravert. After your cat completes the test you can view career options for each of the seven career/personality combinations available. 

There are seven categories your cat may fit into and thirty-four total careers listed for them. For example, if your cat is an intellectual introvert, they are defined as abstract thinkers with high IQs, they value loyalty and quiet, spend hours in silent reflection and prefer to work behind the scenes for effective results. Careers available for them include librarian, marine biologist, psychotherapist and private investigator. To further define if this career would be a good fit for your cat there is a list of traits which define each career opportunity. Last but not least there are tips included for your cat to ace their interview.

Careers for Your Cat is an easy read for anyone who loves felines. At only 96 pages, it is short enough to retain any young person’s attention, and they will love the illustrations. Adults will love the wry sense of humor the author utilizes when describing the varied careers for cats. 

Before writing this book, Ann Dziemianowicz was an Advertising Manager at Simon and Schuster, and more recently she was the Assistant Director of Publications and a Senior Writer at Stevens Institute. Her own cats have had various careers. Her cat Milton is a cabaret singer, Fella is a restaurant pastry cook, and Bibsy is a private detective.

The illustrator, Ann Boyajian, has several previously published books to her credit. She lives and works with her husband and cats near Boston. She credits her four-footed feline models for the inspiration of her sophisticated, elegant graphics which reveal her wry wit.

So pour yourself a beverage, curl up in your favorite reading spot and take a look at career seeking felines who aren’t afraid to assist their human companions by pulling their own weight.

Read more articles by Ruthie Bently

You'll LOL at These Funny Cat and Dog Sites

By Tamara L. Waters

Aww, what a sweet little kitty! Such a cute puppy! We hear the oohs and ahhs at pet stores and of course, now online. Websites featuring adorable pictures and videos of dogs and cats doing the darnedest things make us laugh out loud. Yep, I'm talking about LOLcats and LOLdogs, and their cohorts among funny and cute pet websites. Here's a rundown of my personal favorites.

I Can Has Cheezburger is a favorite in my house. These silly "kittehz" and their antics never fail to entertain and make us laugh, giggle and snort. As a cat lover who has a house and yard full of my own LOLcats, I know how much fun kitty cats can create. Anyone who has visited I Can Has Cheezburger knows all about LOLspeak - a misspelled, phonetic method of speech that is used with the captions on the cat photos. Around my house, it's not unusual to hear someone asking "Mom, I can has pizza?" or "U wan know where teh Oreos are? I eated dem."

I Has a Hot Dog is LOLcats in doggy form. The LOLdogs are as funny and cute as their kitteh counterparts and really, when it comes to LOLing, a preference for canine funny or feline funny just doesn't matter - it all makes you laugh. The I Has a Hot Dog site has plenty to offer in the way of giggles and guffaws.

Cute Overload is a fun website that doesn't just focus on cats or dogs, but pretty much any animal. You'll get to see animals from every walk (and hoof) of life doing their thing and making you 'awww' and 'ooohhh' and of course laugh out loud. What's not to love about a herd of deer resting beneath a trampoline or a precocious polar bear cub? Cute Overload shows the silly side of hamsters, bunnies, cats, dogs, gorillas and more. The difference you might notice with Cute Overload is the amount of written narrative and detail about the pictures. There is usually an explanation about the photo or video and for the most part, there is no LOLspeak and proper English grammar and spelling is usually in use.

The Itty Bitty Kitty Committee website exists for a great cause - finding homes for homeless kitties. This website features such awww-inducing kitty pics that you can't help but love it. Knowing that the founder, Laurie Cinotto, started the site as a way to raise money and help these kitties makes it even more special. The IBKC isn't just about being entertained by pets, but it is more about helping them. Responsible Pet Ownership writer Julia Williams has a great article about the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee, and you can read it here.

Animal Planet Funny Pet has a variety of cute and funny video clips from the popular "Planet's Funniest Animals." The clips are usually set to music and have a narrator giving some play-by-play but they will peg your cuteness radar and make you laugh. If you're familiar with the Animal Planet series then you know it's the same as the long-lived "America's Funniest Home Videos" except that it is focused on animals and features all the crazy, funny and amazing antics the animal world has to offer.

When I have some down time and need a quick pick-me-up, I have found that animals are the perfect choice. They make me laugh. They make me smile. They bring out my sentimental and protective nature, and these websites are great choices for getting a quick jolt of digital pet fun.

Read more articles by Tamara L. Waters