As you can imagine, it is quite a challenge to work in hospice each day, where death is a reality for those we serve and their families. Those of us who work with patients and families find a way to cope with that reality without being consumed by fear, grief, or denial. It is sacred work, and we walk along the edge of life and death daily, offering our presence and our acceptance to those we serve. As a veterinarian and a chaplain, I have had the privilege of observing both pets and humans as they cope with the reality of impending death in a loved one.
One of the gifts that pets offer us is their lack of fear about death. It is not uncommon for family and friends to begin to emotionally pull away from the hospice patient as their physical and/or mental condition declines. As human beings, we tend to avoid death and its reality in those we love when we have a choice about it. Visiting a friend or relative who is visibly approaching death is painful for us and many avoid it altogether. This is the place where pets prove the most faithful and loyal to the patient. They take no note of the patient's appearance and harbor no emotional ambivalence about offering their supportive presence day after day. Pets that are included in the caregiving routine with the patient seem to sense when patients need time with them and time away from them. Sometimes, dogs lay under the bed or close by, guarding the patient and keeping watch. At other times, they lay quietly on the bed, apparently sensitive to the patient's need for rest. Cats also offer their presence and companionship, often sleeping close to the patient or at the foot of the bed.
Pets also offer routine and normalcy in the midst of the paradox of caring for the terminally ill. Pets still need to be fed and exercised, let out and brought in, no matter what else is going on in the home. They remind those caring for the patient that life still goes on and they will still be there when the patient cannot be. Last, but not least, pets grieve with us over the loss of a loved one. In some ways, they are like children, playing one minute and searching for a missing loved one the next. They look to us for a sign that things are going to be okay eventually, even if they are not okay now. In this way, they offer us hope, perhaps the greatest gift of all.
